Monday, January 2, 2012

A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life for me

The new year rung in bringing me a different look on things and alot more perspective on my life. Since my son was good I allowed both the children to stay up as late as tthey could, however they only made it till 1130 when we all headed up for some cuddles in bed. They immediately dozed off and began snoring while I sat and thought about the year that just had passed, and the year, life that lay ahead. I thought about all of my blessings and was overfilled with all of the new poeple I met the past years. However be it, none of them were in real life, but as most of my real life friends abandoned me after my mothers passing, these new friends stepped in and gave me comfort, love and compassion that was really need, God compensates. Without these friends I would have withdrew even deeper into myself and my depression and who knows what would have came of that. I still have no idea who was so kind as to send me so many much needed clothe diapers, but I think even when my kids are pottytrained and no longer needing them I will still think fondly how almost complete strangers had shown me such love and care. Now the girls that I have been close to on here, though live quite a distance from and have only speaking to on the phone and on here, are helping me out by sending me the iron suppliments i need to ensure myself a healthy delivery. 
I wish I could say that my husband and I had a stronger marraige then ever, but sadly we do not. Alot of trust has been broken over the years, and with him again, losing his job it adds stress to the household. He is not a motivated man and to me, if you cannot be motivated to take care of your family then you shoudnt have made one. After encouraging him the past two months to find a job any job, that will pay our bills and ensure we have a home to raise our chidlren in, and later have savings so we can move to our farm (my life long dream) he has not made any changes. We still have no money coming in whatsoever except for the few kind poeple that collected money at their churchs so we can have gas money and pay some bills, (which i am so thankful for) I must say my nerves are shot.
As the neighbors came out of their houses blowing their party horns and banging on their pans yelling "Happy New Year!"  I snuggled closer to my babys and felt my unborn baby kicking and flipping around in his/her own celebration. I decided that its my dream to live on a farm, its my desire and my childrens right to live financially comfterable, and if no ammount of encouraging, or examples set will make my husband change for the better and do the work needed, then I will have to grab the riegns on this too. I cant imagine my being able to make more time in the day for sewing and selling things, but if thats what i have to do, I will. So starting today, since Its winter time and my extra time wont be going to gardening or freezing or canning it will be going towards sewing and selling my dresses, aprons, quilts, decorative pot holders and soaps. Maybe Ill even start to make some clothe diapers and see how those sell. For anyone who is reading this please say a prayer, or send positive vibes my way. I will need them. Im already at the end of my energy just teaching and caring for my children, animals and this house but I know if God layed it on my heart, that it will work out. So here goes....2012 the year that I, ELLIELIZ will turn things around for myself and make my dreams happen. We only have one life! Better make the best of it!!! Did I mention that in 5 days I will be 31 years old? :)

id like to make a special note: I speepily left an important new friend that i did make in real life who has a huge heart and helped my family out alot this year. If it wasnt for her and her family our children woudnt have had much ofa  christmas, and many times would have ran out of food. She also supplies me with coupons :) You know who you are, i think the biggest help of all was just being someone to talk to, having another adult to talk to every now and then really is an uplifting thing when you spend all of your hours all of your days talking to kids and cats. Yes i talk to my cats ;) She moved a few weeks ago and I miss her so, but I know that its not the end and I will see her every now and again :) 01 02 03
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