John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
I have taken my time in writing my birth story. It took me time to digest all that has happened and get all my words and thoughts together on the matter. You see it isnt just a normal birth story, it has been a long awaited finale with a journey that was never easy to get to the outcome. A beautiful outcome it was! So let me finally begin.
My birth starts with the outcome of my first two births. I tried both times to have a natural birth, both ended up with csection because of being set up to fail. Doctors told me that my hips were just to narrow and I could never birth a baby naturally. Anyone that knows me, knows that when someone tells me I cant, Im going to let you know that I CAN. So I asked everyone why I coudnt. Nobody could give me evidance why I coudnt, but I found tons of evidance why I could. My local ICAN chapter helped me out alot with this. My midwives helped me out alot with this. My doula helped me out alot. My chiropractor gave me alot of encouragment and help. I had a really good team. But even with that, I still had the words from the drs. stuck in my head, especially my recent doctors. " I am too small." They said. "he has broad shoulders and will get stuck" they said, "There is so much water he could get hurt" they said. It was a battle to not get caught up with those lies. Finally at 41 weeks, It was time to prove them all wrong. I woke up after having off and on contractions for three days, I didnt sleep much at all the nite before becuase of them, and when I went to use the potty, I lost the rest of my mucous plug ( I had lost some of it two days prior) It was gross. I love all birth stuff, but I have a queezy stomach). I realised that I was unable to walk through the contractions anymore. I went downstairs and drew a bath. I remembered that I had to go get blood drawn that day, as well as a chiropractor appt. I also had to take my friend who was staying with us for a few weeks to the airport. It was a busy day, and none of it was going to be achieved by me becuase today was the day I was finally going to have my baby! I asked husband to text Karen (our midwife) and explain that I coudnt get the blood drawn today, she was happy! And to let Heather (our doula) know that I was in the tub relaxing and that today was the day. She came right on over! I am a very needy person and need constant reassurance, it was so nice to have Heather there with me, becuase she helped me alot! I spet the first hours and hours of my labor listening to Bob Dylan while pacing back and forth, and resting while watching the Iron chef with the sound turned down. My friend came to keep my kids busy. As the nite fell and my other midwife Wendy arrived I felt exhausted and was worrying that I will never have him. I tried to sleep but it was so hard, contractions had been comimng every three or four minutes since the morning, and it seemed like it would never get time to push! Well when I finally got into the pool, I was able to take a nap. Im not even sure how long it was, but that nap was so nice! Once I woke up things got super more intense and thats when Karen asked to check me. I had to get out of the pool and she seemed pleased at where I was, I asked her how open I was but she woudnt tell me ( I had asked her at some point in my pregnancy not to). It didnt seem much longer after Karen checked me that I was feeling like my body was trying violently to push the baby out. I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet and started to push as hard as I could but nothing was happening! I was so tired, and I remember closing my eyes right there on the toilet and that is when I heard the birds. I knew right then, that a new day was coming and panic started to set in. I was exhausted, I was pushing for a while it seemed and maybe what the doctors said was right, Maybe my pelvis was too narrow. Maybe I coudnt do this! In a short time my kids would be awake again and I knew that if I didnt give birth to my baby soon, I would have to miss out another day with my kids! I needed to birth him NOW. I opened my eyes and looked at Heather and burst into tears stating "I cant do this! I know Im a failure but I have to go the hospital now and have him NOW!" Thats when Karen popped in and said in a gentle voice " Let me help you Ellie, come sit on the birth stool and see if we can have this baby, if I cannot help you, then we will take you in" . So I followed Karen, Heather and Wendy into the living room and sat on the birthing stool. I immediately got another contraction and started to push. Karen put a warm rag on my bottem and I pushed again. She put a chux pad over her and Wendy did the same, then she said, one hard push Ellie! So I did, thinking that it would do the trick, and POP!! and WHOOSH! Out came all of that water I was carrying around, like a ocean wave RIGHT ON KAREN AND WENDY! I think Karen got the most of it, I apologised and she laughed and said it was part of birth. I went to push again and he was crowning! They told me to feel for his hair and I felt it....I still didnt believe that he was coming though! I pushed again and out came his head! He was crying! Now even though I never felt like I got much of a break between the contractions before, waiting to get the push sensation after his head came out felt like an hour. lol I wanted so badly to push him the rest of the way out and hold him in my arms (not to mention comfort him since he was crying) and finally that last push and in two seconds he was in my arms with a hat and a blanket (wow Karen and Wendy are QUICK!) and I was just shocked! I sat there holding my baby in my arms. He was my third child and the first baby I got to hold, got to birth and got to nurse immediately. He latched on perfectly before I even pushed out the placenta! I realised that I didnt see whether or not he was a boy or girl (I was so sure my gut instincts were right) but I checked anyway, and there it was, hes a boy! I looked up at Heather who was taking my picture and crying too, I had forgotten she was there becuase in my exhausted state I coudnt see her anymore, it turns out she was behind me holding me up! So there it is. I gave birth, to a almost 9 pound baby, surrounded by the 4 people that believed in me most and that I trusted, and woudnt have been able to do without. Karen always said throughout the entire pregnancy that its the mammas that do all the work, and should take all the credit,but with my situation I must insist, that without Karen and the rest of my birth team, Luke would not have come naturally. He would have been another heart breaking unnecesary cesarean. Even though I believe in birth, and I knew in my heart that my body wasnt broken, with my lack of self esteem and confidance in myself and my abilites, I needed someone that I can trust, to tell me that I CAN do it. Karen was one of the people that I trusted, if she said I could do it, I can! She had earned my trust 6 years earlier when she caught a problem with my first born, so I knew that if I could do it, she'd know it. She woudnt put me and my child in danger. I thank her and Wendy and Heather every time I look down at my precious little boy, becuase even though I was the one to grow, love, nourish and then push him out of me, without them, and without God..I would NOT have known it was in me. My body is NOT broken.
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1 comments:
Tears...so happy for you.
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