Saturday, February 4, 2012

A thoughtful Encounter

I think I have a good poker face. If someone asks me how Im doing and Im less then stellar  I will tell them Im good with a smile on my face.  My husband I guess can see right through this. I guess he should, well be  married for 7 years on the 14th. Hes watched me for the past year or so struggle with the fact  that I am so isolated. I know Ive voiced it on here many times. If I didnt have a computor i woudnt have any contact with my friends who are all so far away. Hes been pushing me to get out make friends, get out and do things to meet new poeple. I just cant trust anyone, I have the ability to see through poeples false promisses, and b.s. and so many are just filled with them. ugh! But I know he means well. He wants me to be happy. I think hes watched me sit on bedrest and sees me sink even deeper into the realisation of how alone in this I am, that hes been trying even harder to find me friends. I really appreciate it....but i just cant let anyone in! I feel like I belong in this club that says no new members right across my heart.
So I say over and over again, that I dont need anyone, but maybe I do.
Im so glad that my one far away friend is coming to stay with us for the babys arrival. It has liftened my spirits alot and given me comfort to know that someone will be able to care for both of my kids while im birthing and to help me after the baby is born. To stop everything and give up weeks of your life so you can be apart of our team, our family means so much to me and my hubs! I dont think Im a completely hopeless cause, i kow we wont always be in this situation, I know in my heart that one day I will find my true bosom buddy! Someone that lets me in and that I can let in, like I had once before...But for now, I stand on my own island....with my kids, my hubby and my cats and hamster. Working it out....working it out....with the spirit of God in my heart :) 01 02 03
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