Some count sheep, I count Blessings

I genuinly enjoy being pregnat. I dont mind the gas, the constipation, the morning sickness, the constant kicking and rib poking. I even can handle the emotions and the forgetfullness (i dont know if my husband can say the same haha) but the two things that occur during my pregnancies that really are hard to deal with are the heart burn and the wear tearing feelings I get on the left side of my stomach. Almost like the baby is ripping me open from the inside. They both occur at the end of the day, and one keeps me up most of the nite. HEART BURN! With my first baby it started at 8 months, it was bad, but staying up all nite was just something I thought would get me used to the change in my life about to occur. Id sit up and watch out the window at my housemates cat frollicking and playing in the moonlights glow all nite. During the day I didnt work anymore, so Id be home cleaning, cooking and relaxing. Sleepless nights were not too much of a problem. With my second the heart burn started around 7 and a 1/2 months and it got to be a bit tougher, but we took precautions to keep it at bay, and since Talon would nap so would I. This pregnancy the heart burn and sleepless nites started two months ago at 4 months. For two months ive been sleeping basicly from 4 am to 9am. I will take it! It is better then nothing, which is what I got last nite, nothing! I sat up all stinking nite listening to the snores and "other sounds" of my family sleeping around me and I tried to keep my worrisome thoughts at bay, as those thoughts always occur most easiest in the morning hours, when it seems like the man in the moon decides to give back your worries to you. To mull them over. Instead of thinking about those though, I sit up counting my blessings. Focusing on the positives in my life and saying thank you for each one. I am truelly blessed. I thought Id share these blessings with you.

I am grateful that I can see the good that comes out in the bad.
When my mother died, it was a huge loss, the biggest Ive had. But it brought my dad and me closer.
When my husband lost his job and we had no money whatsover but it showed us that we could trust in God because everything worked out, we never ran out of food, we didnt lose our home, and my kids had a good holiday, thanks to the kindness of others.
We keep getting examples that we can see and use to make ourselves better people.
that I am a humble person with a sense of  a humor about myself and dont have problems pointing out my own flaws and i dont mind working on myself. It sucks to hear things about myself im not ready to hear, but I really want to be strong, so I get over it, work on it, and move on.
im happy ive learned to look at myself more and stop looking at others, though i still have issues with that, i dont do it as much anymore.
that i have a really close friend who always encourages me, helps me fix things in my life through examples, and encouragment and will always stick up for me :)
happy i have my fb girls who  also always there to give encouragment and perhaps one day we will all meet.
and the little things in life which or so huge to me
my husband will rub my ankles and feet whenever i ask, even if they are stinky haha
that even when we dont have much money he will take a bit that we do have to make me feel special (like surprising me with a prenatel yoga dvd and yoga mat)
that if i cant keep up and i need to sit down and rest, he will pick up where i left off.
how the children listen for his car when hes coming home and then run to the kitchen yelling "da das home!!" and the come out and say "surprise!" giving him a improptu surprise party every time he comes home. i think its a nice thing for him to come home to.
im glad he comes home to us. :)
how eve will tell me to "com'n! da das home!" like i want to run along with them to surprise him at the door. haha
i love the look on talons face when he gets something during school.
how my kids play so nicely together and even though there is arguments there are never grudges.
how talon knows what he wants to be when he grows up and how im certain he will do it.
how Eve will show me what daddy put on her for the day. she loves wearing a pretty outfit! haha cant wait to show it off to me.
i can see here and tell alot more blessings, i was up ALL nite and there were plenty to think of but I should probably get ready for the day. :)
hope you all have a great day! 01 02 18

A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life for me

The new year rung in bringing me a different look on things and alot more perspective on my life. Since my son was good I allowed both the children to stay up as late as tthey could, however they only made it till 1130 when we all headed up for some cuddles in bed. They immediately dozed off and began snoring while I sat and thought about the year that just had passed, and the year, life that lay ahead. I thought about all of my blessings and was overfilled with all of the new poeple I met the past years. However be it, none of them were in real life, but as most of my real life friends abandoned me after my mothers passing, these new friends stepped in and gave me comfort, love and compassion that was really need, God compensates. Without these friends I would have withdrew even deeper into myself and my depression and who knows what would have came of that. I still have no idea who was so kind as to send me so many much needed clothe diapers, but I think even when my kids are pottytrained and no longer needing them I will still think fondly how almost complete strangers had shown me such love and care. Now the girls that I have been close to on here, though live quite a distance from and have only speaking to on the phone and on here, are helping me out by sending me the iron suppliments i need to ensure myself a healthy delivery. 
I wish I could say that my husband and I had a stronger marraige then ever, but sadly we do not. Alot of trust has been broken over the years, and with him again, losing his job it adds stress to the household. He is not a motivated man and to me, if you cannot be motivated to take care of your family then you shoudnt have made one. After encouraging him the past two months to find a job any job, that will pay our bills and ensure we have a home to raise our chidlren in, and later have savings so we can move to our farm (my life long dream) he has not made any changes. We still have no money coming in whatsoever except for the few kind poeple that collected money at their churchs so we can have gas money and pay some bills, (which i am so thankful for) I must say my nerves are shot.
As the neighbors came out of their houses blowing their party horns and banging on their pans yelling "Happy New Year!"  I snuggled closer to my babys and felt my unborn baby kicking and flipping around in his/her own celebration. I decided that its my dream to live on a farm, its my desire and my childrens right to live financially comfterable, and if no ammount of encouraging, or examples set will make my husband change for the better and do the work needed, then I will have to grab the riegns on this too. I cant imagine my being able to make more time in the day for sewing and selling things, but if thats what i have to do, I will. So starting today, since Its winter time and my extra time wont be going to gardening or freezing or canning it will be going towards sewing and selling my dresses, aprons, quilts, decorative pot holders and soaps. Maybe Ill even start to make some clothe diapers and see how those sell. For anyone who is reading this please say a prayer, or send positive vibes my way. I will need them. Im already at the end of my energy just teaching and caring for my children, animals and this house but I know if God layed it on my heart, that it will work out. So here goes....2012 the year that I, ELLIELIZ will turn things around for myself and make my dreams happen. We only have one life! Better make the best of it!!! Did I mention that in 5 days I will be 31 years old? :)

id like to make a special note: I speepily left an important new friend that i did make in real life who has a huge heart and helped my family out alot this year. If it wasnt for her and her family our children woudnt have had much ofa  christmas, and many times would have ran out of food. She also supplies me with coupons :) You know who you are, i think the biggest help of all was just being someone to talk to, having another adult to talk to every now and then really is an uplifting thing when you spend all of your hours all of your days talking to kids and cats. Yes i talk to my cats ;) She moved a few weeks ago and I miss her so, but I know that its not the end and I will see her every now and again :) 01 02 18

The End of One Year, The Begining of another

This year was tough. One of the toughest I would say. Ive been through alot of trials in my life, and what makes this different is that I have my faith and trust in God, where as before, I was on my own.
So much has happened this year, If I didnt constantly have my faith, and the ability to look at the good in everything, I might have lost what was most important, FAITH!
It was my first full year without my mother, that in itself was a challenge. I worry I will forget her face, that I will forget her voice. It upsets me to know that we lost so much time over silly quarrels and I relive them in my head changing the outcome, or fixing mistakes I made. I know that is not a very productive way to live though, so I try to make sure that the relationships I have now, arent riddled with mistakes. To treat people with respect and expect nothing short of respect back. Everytime my children hit a milestone or do something so adorable I feel happy that I am there for it, and horribly sad i have noone to share it with that will appreciate the cuteness as much as me. I used to run to the phone to tell my mother, I know it would make her heart sing just as much as mine. I wish I appreciated that more when she was alive. Now I hope in some way she can see it anyways...it helps me get by.
I also lost my bestfriend, No she didnt pass away, but she chose a way of living that doesnt allow us to communicate or see one another. She is lost to me forever, our children will never know eachother, I will never get to confide in her, or her confide in me. I always felt like she would be there, for nearly 18 years she had been, I never though she could hurt me, but.....people do shock you! So again, I feel alone. These two huge changes in my life cuased me to hide away from the world. My husband calls me a hermit. I prefer a shut in. It sounds less deranged. My ability to trust poeple is gone. I cannot bring myself to really opening my heart to poeple. Its just my children and I. I have made a few new friends here and there who I care about, but  I havent let my guard down.....and I doubt I will do that again. Just opens myself to hurt. Trust noone.
We bought our house, where this would be a good thing for most poeple it was actually a painful process through and through and we ended up being very screwed financially through out the entire process by the seller of the home. She claims she lost, but the truth is, she didnt lose as much as we did. and she chose to let the house go to short sale, and wanted it to foreclose. So after 6 months of making a sale, we were financially struggling more then ever and attempting to do everything possible to get back on our feet...just as we were coming out of it slightly, my husband loses his job. We have not had any money coming in two months. Its very scary, but we are counting our blessings, we have always had what we need and for the most part alll of the companys we owe seem to understand. (cept for the credit cards) the children were even given i would have to say their best christmas due to so many thoughtful friends (angels) helping out ...I cannot thank them enough! I have learned so much from all the bad that has happened and even more from the good.
I know that everything happens for a reason andw ith teh bad good is always worked into it. I learned that you cant buy the feeling that you get when so many strangers will pull together to help a family in need. It has also made my son think about how much he has to be greatful for, and now he wants to help donate food to food banks. I encourage him to do so, (small bonus, the community service will loook good for getting into Yale) I have gotten so many examples of how we are protected and taken care of. That we will never go without. To trust!!
Some good things that happened this year also, Im expecting another blessing. In three months we will welcome a new sweet babe into the world and I am so excited to meet this little fiesty love bug dancing around in  my belly. Our plans for the new year is to start our own business's. How? I have no idea, but Im sure something will work out. Life might be throwing us a hard ball lately for whatever reason, but we are throwing them back and working harder then ever to get our life back on track, Makes me content to know, that we are not doing it alone.
Happy New Years everyone, I hope the new year brings happiness, love and peacefullness to everyone <3 01 02 18